Hari Sumaat?

Sepasang pengantin baru mengalami gangguan kesihatan. Setelah diperiksa dengan teliti, doktor memberitahu.. perkara itu disebabkan oleh kekerapan hubungan seks yang terlalu kerap...

"Untuk sementara waktu ini.. anda berdua dinasihatkan supaya menghadkan kegiatan seks.. sebaiknya dua kali saja seminggu sahaja... Untuk memudahkan mengingat... saya sarankan untuk melakukan hubungan ini hanya pada hari yang bermula dengan huruf S.. iaitu Selasa dan Sabtu," saran doktor. Akan tetapi pada malam ketiga berpuasa dari membuat hubungan itu... sisuami tidak dapat lagi menahan nafsunya lalu... mencumbu isterinya yang sedang tidur sehingga isterinya terjaga... "Hari ini hari apa Bang?" tanya si isteri.

"Sumaat."

Aizat - Lagu kita

Aizat - Lagu Kita [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ENnOmZWPXU] Deras hati ku berdetar Di langit aku terlihatkanmu Terang malam.... teman kita Dengan angin meniup sayu Ku petik gitar akustik ini Dengan harapan dia mendengar Melodi indah yang ku cipta Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya CHO: Dan aku terus... Menyanyi lagu ini untukmu Walau berjuta mendengar Lagu ini hanya untukmu Arah hidup kita Digambar bintang di angkasa Dan berkelip melukis cinta Terciptalah Lagu Kita Melodi indah yang ku cipta Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya ( ulang cho 1x) Terciptalah Lagu Kita

Little broken condom made in china

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"

His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture, not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation.

Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive. For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.

Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people.

It's very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?

Isteriku

"Abang ni, pakai tu elok-elok la sikit," kata Liza lembut sambil membetulkan pakaian Usin. Usin tersenyum memandang isterinya."Cantik isteri abang hari ni," Usin mencubit pipi Liza lembut. "Ayah, ayah, cepat la yah," Farah dan Adi meluru masuk ke bilik kerana dah tak sabar-sabar nak bertolak pulang ke kampung. "Yelah, yelah, ayah dah siap ni." Liza hanya tersenyum melihat suaminya itu melayan karenah anak-anak mereka yang comel dan manja. "Abang, dah lama kita tak balik kampung macam ni, ye?" "Iyelah, maklumlah abang ni sibuk dengan urusan perniagaan. Baru kali ni abang ada peluang untuk cuti panjang." Usin berkata kepada isterinya tercinta.

Perjalanan daripada KL ke Tangkak mengambil masa lebih kurang empat jam. Farah dan Adi dah pun terlelap kat kerusi belakang. Begitu juga dengan isterinya, Liza. "Tak sabar rasanya nak tiba kat kampung," Usin berkata dalam hati.

Sedikit demi sedikit Usin menekan minyak keretanya. Semakin lama keretanya semakin laju dan Usin semakin seronok. Usin dah tak sabar untuk segera sampai ke kampungnya. Pedal minyak ditekannya lagi dan Honda Civicnya mula memecut.Usin cilok kiri, cilok kanan. Habis semua kenderaan dipotongnya. Bangga betul Usin masa tu. Terlupa dia sekejap pada anak dan isterinya yang sedang tidur.

"Eh abang, kenapa bawa laju sangat ni?" tiba-tiba Liza terjaga dari tidurnya."Tak ada apa la sayang, rileks...cepat sikit kita sampai kampung nanti." "Sabar bang, sabar. Biar lambat tak apa....jangan laju sangat bang,20 Liza takut." Liza cuba memujuk Usin supaya memperlahankan kenderaannya. "Rileks Liza?tak ada apa-apa," Usin terus memotong bas ekspres di depannya tanpa was-was.

"Haaa..kan, tengok. Tak ada apa-apa kan?" kata Usin setelah berjaya memotong bas ekspres tadi. "Sudah la tu bang." "Ha... tu ada satu lagi bas ekspres. Liza tengok abang motong dia aaa...." Usin terus masuk gear 3, pedal minyak ditekannya hingga jejak ke lantai.

Usin terus membelok ke kanan untuk memotong dan ....di depannya tersergam sebuah lori balak yang besar dan gagah dan..... BANG!!

"Usin....bangun Sin," sayup-sayup terdengar suara emaknya. Usin membuka matanya. Dia terlihat emaknya di situ. "Mana Liza mak? Macammana dengan Liza mak? Farah, Adi....mana anak-anak saya mak?" Bertubi-tubi Usin menyoal emaknya. Usin tak dapat menahan kesedihannya lagi. Usin menangis semahu-mahunya di depan emaknya.

Emaknya memandang Usin tepat-tepat. "Macamana dengan isteri Usin mak, Liza?" Usin masih terus menangis.

PANGGG!!

Kepala Usin yang botak itu ditampar oleh emaknya dengan tiba-tiba. Usin terdiam. Kenapa emaknya buat dia macam tu? "Banyak la engkau punya isteri! Keja pun pemalas ada hati nak berbini. Tu la, tidur lagi senja-senja macam ni! Dah! Bangun pegi sembahyang!" emaknya terus merungut sambil berlalu keluar....

...Dan Usin tersengih keseorangan. Rasa macam nak masuk dalam tin biskut! Malu beb!!

Sekian.

Moral: Pandulah dengan berhati-hati walaupun di dalam mimpi Dipetik dari majalah UJANG.......

Sikap pompuan yang susah nak faham

Dia beli kasut baru hampir setiap bulan dia cakap sebab dia nak sentiasa up to date, tapi kalau saya beli kasut baru pasal kasut lama saya dah koyak dia cakap saya nak mengorat awek lain. * Kalau dia puji Tom Cruise tu hendsome dia cakap sebab dia memang peminat setia, tapi kalau saya puji Siti Nurhaliza tu cantik dia cakap saya suka membanding-bandingkan dia dengan perempuan lain. * Kalau dia tak telefon saya seminggu dia cakap itu tak bermakna dia tak rindu saya, tapi kalau saya tak telefon dia selang dua hari dia cakap saya dah curang dan dah lupakan dia. * Kalau dia senyum kat lelaki lain dia cakap dia memang seorang yang murah dengan senyuman, tapi kalau saya senyum dekat perempuan lain dia cakap saya nak mengorat ler tu. * Kalau dia lewat dia cakap sebab jalan jem, tapi kalau saya lewat dia cakap mesti saya nak beri alasan jalan jem. * Dia selalu cakap dalam sesuatu hubungan mesti ada "give and take" tapi kalau sesekali saya suruh dia bayar lunch,dinner atau tiket wayang mesti dia cakap saya ni tak gentleman, last-last saya jugak yang kena bayar. * Kalau dia diam memanjang, dia cakap dia tak ada mood dan tak tahu apa nak cakap, tapi kalau saya diam memanjang dia cakap mesti saya tengah teringatkan perempuan lain."

The 90/10 Principle by Stephen Covey

A good one..! If everybody has this in mind, life will be much easier....

Please spend 10 minutes of your time to read.This 10 minutes is worth giving.It may serve to help us lead better lives. 90% of the happening or problems are due to us. Therefore, blame ourselves more than blame other people...

The 90/10 Principle

by Stephen Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life. What is the 90/10 Principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.

What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%.

The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day? A) Did the coffee cause it? B) Did your daughter cause it? C) Did the policeman cause it? D) Did you cause it? The answer is D.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc. How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off! Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?

Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it. You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose no thing if you try it.

The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different!

Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life. Have a Grrrreeeat Day & and even Grrrrrrrrreeeaaaater Tomorrow!!

Gambar

Chot baru lepas tangkap gambar di kedai yang berhampiran dengan rumahnya. Sekarang, dia cuma perlu menaiki bas untuk ke Jabatan Imigresen supaya dia dapat membuat pasport baru untuk dirinya. Setelah hampir sejam menunggu di perhentian bas, bas pun tiba. Chot naik dan disebabkan bas itu penuh sesak, Chot mengambil keputusan untuk berdiri sahaja sambil tangannya memegang gambar yang baru diambilnya di kedai tadi. Tiba-tiba, bas itu brek mengejut. Chot terlepas gambarnya itu lalu jatuh ke bawah tempat duduk penumpang. Chot tunduk dan mencari gambarnya itu tadi. Bila dia nampak gambar tadi berada di bawah tempat duduk seorang penumpang, Chot berkata, "Kak... boleh tolong angkat sikit kain yang akak pakai tu tak? Saya nak ambik gambar...!!"

Sam VS Dol

SAM: Kenapa kamu cakap minum susu segar boleh bawa maut? DOL: Sebab semalam semasa aku tengah minum, lembu tu terajang aku. Nasib baik tak mati. SAM: Apasal ko marah kat tokey kedai 2 Ringgit tu? DOL: Sebab dia tipu. Aku beli 3 barang dia mintak 6 ringgit. Kata kedai 2 Ringgit SAM: Kau kata binatang peliharaan kau mati lemas? Mana kau tau dia mati lemas? DOL: Sebab aku bela ikan emas. aku jumpa ia mati dalam air! SAM: Semalam aku nampak hantu! DOL: Uih! kau terkejut tak? SAM: Taklah.... hantu tu yang terkejut tengok aku. DOL: Mana kau tahu? SAM: Aku tengok muka dia pucat semacam jer.... SAM: Apasal kopi yang kau buat ni rasa masin? DOL: Gula dah habis! SAM: Yang kau pergi campur garam apasal? DOL: Kan aku kata, sebab gula dah habislah! SAM: Aku tengok kau beberapa hari ini "candle light dinner" dengan bini kau, mesti dia suka. DOL: Dia marahlah. Aku lupa nak bayar bil elektrik, api rumah aku dah kena potong! SAM: Aku ada AIDS? mana ada... DOL: Aku baca 1 dari 10 orang kat Negara ni ada aids. Aku dah tanya 9 orang, semua tak ada aids, kau orang ke 10, tak payah tanya, aku dah tahu... SAM: Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk kau makin teruk! DOL: Iya ke? kalau macamni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat batuk dengan lebih baik lagi. SAM: Dah dua kali perompak yang sama datang merompak kedai kita. DOL: Tu lah aku dah cakap kat kau, jangan pasang signboard "SILA DATANG LAGI"

Patutlah monyet selalu ceria!

Dalam ceramah Datok Dr Fadillah Kamsah juga menasihati agar kaum wanita memakan sebiji pisang sehari di awal pagi untuk mencegah kanser,  Dan ubat yang paling mujarab ialah meminum air kosong sebaik sahaja bangun dari tidur ps jangan gosok gigi dulu. Kos perubatan yang dapat dijimatkan Sebiji pisang (20sen) x 30hari = RM6.00 sebulan. Kos makan pisang setahun RM6.00 x 12 bulan= RM 72.00 Kos makan pisang sepanjang hayat umur 60 tahun = RM 72.00 x 60 tahun = RM 4320.00 saja Kos  perubatan Kimoterapi yang dapat dijimatkan  sekali rawatan x  8 Cycle =RM 40,000.00 Kos paling murah. Ni saya Tanya doktor-doktor le.  Satu cycle je RM 5000.00..  cancer   menyerang semula jika kita tidak menjaga pemakanan dan kesihatan kita.